Happy Father’s Day! Today, we celebrate you!
Being a father is one of the most challenging, exhausting, and fulfilling roles that a man can have.
God entrusts you to be the primary person to provide for, teach, train, equip, support, encourage, and guide the life of your children.
For better or worse, a father’s impact on their children is undeniable and inescapable. Even to be completely absent is still to shape the life of your children.
For better or worse, our children learn more by what is caught than what is taught. In other words, they learn more from our actions, the example that we live out, than they do from what we say.
We are living the example for our children to see what it looks like to be a dad, a husband, a Christian, a friend, an employee, and more. We’re even teaching them how to be a child in the way that they see us treat our own parents.
By the grace of God, it is possible for us to learn from the mistakes of our fathers and choose a different path and set a better example. However, more often than not, we follow in their footsteps.
As an example. There have been countless studies on the trends of addictions and substance and alcohol abuse among families. Although there are debates about whether these trends are driven by genetics or environmental factors, they all agree that the cycle of addiction is far more likely to be continued by children than broken by them.
Even after experiencing all of the terrible and destructive results of addiction, children of those bound by it are still eight times more likely to become addicts themselves than to break the cycle of addiction (addictionsandrecovery.org).
Most of us are familiar with this proverb:
Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV)
Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.
It seems to be more of a fact and principle than it is a word of advice.
When our children are young, we are setting the course for the remainder of their lives.
Other factors and their own life decisions can alter that trajectory, of course. However, the direction that we set their lives on is generally the direction that the rest of their lives will travel.
It’s a great honor, privilege, and responsibility to be a father! God’s word likens fathers to a warrior and his children as the arrows entrusted into their quiver.
Psalm 127:3-5a
3 Children are a heritage from the Lord,
offspring a reward from him.
4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are children born in one’s youth.
5 Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
Children are a heritage from the Lord, a gift, a blessing! Like a mighty warrior with his arrows, we set the course and the direction in which to launch the lives of our children.
How do we, as fathers, launch our children into the remainder of their lives on the right path?
Any good father’s desire is that his children would go further in life than himself; that they would be more successful, achieve greater things, and make a larger impact in this world for Christ than themselves.
Thankfully, we have an example to follow! Actually, we have two perfect examples to follow! God, our Heavenly Father and Jesus, His Son!
Jesus just healed a man who had been paralyzed for 38 years on the Sabbath, so the Jewish leaders challenged Him.
John 5:17-21
17 In his defense Jesus said to them, “My Father is always at his work to this very day, and I too am working.” 18 For this reason they tried all the more to kill him; not only was he breaking the Sabbath, but he was even calling God his own Father, making himself equal with God.
19 Jesus gave them this answer: “Very truly I tell you, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does. 20 For the Father loves the Son and shows him all he does. Yes, and he will show him even greater works than these, so that you will be amazed. 21 For just as the Father raises the dead and gives them life, even so the Son gives life to whom he is pleased to give it.
Children follow the example of their fathers and Jesus was no exception. He did what He saw His Father doing. As Christians, we have been adopted into the family of God and can follow the Heavenly Father’s example just like Jesus did.
First of all, a great warrior archer wouldn’t dare draw their bow or arrow without first knowing their target.
God intentionally and purposefully chose you to be your child’s father. Whether biological, adopted, spiritual, foster, or just a father figure, God has chosen this time and this season for you. For your biological and adopted children, you’re stuck with them for life; no return policy! 🙂
God will reveal to us the next bullseye in the life journey of the children that He has entrusted to us just as He did to His own Son.
Luke 19:10
For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.
Mark 10:45
For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.
1 John 3:8b
The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work.
Although Jesus knew His ultimate purpose, He still spent lots of time alone with His Father to know exactly what each step of the way was and to keep their relationship strong and healthy.
Luke 5:16
But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.
Life is a journey and we need our Heavenly Father’s guidance as His son to be a good father to our own sons. Spending quality time alone with God in prayer sharing what is on our heart and mind and listening to what is on His helps us to not only stay on our own life path, but also to learn His path for our children.
Likewise, spending quality time alone just us and our child helps us to learn what is on their heart and mind and to share with them what is on ours. It’s in these times that relationship and trust is built and firmly established.
God may not reveal to us the big picture of our own life nor the life of our children, but He will faithfully reveal to us the next step for us to take so that we can confidently walk by faith.
God gave us Jesus and Jesus gave us the Holy Spirit so that His Presence can be with us always guiding us through life on paths of righteousness. Even when we feel distant from Him and uncertain, and can’t see Him, and life gets so hard, still His voice guides us.
Isaiah 30:19b-21
19 How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. 20 Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. 21 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”
The more that we spend time in God’s Presence and listening to His voice and in His word, the more that we will hear His voice in what feels to be His absence. This gives us faith and enables us to walk with confidence.
The same is true with us and our children. The more that we spend time just being present with them, the more that they will hear our voice and sense our presence even in our absence. Prayerfully, that time spent with us will also give them courage and confidence and boldness even when we aren’t able to physically be with them.
God also acts as a mirror for us reflecting our potential and who we were created to be. When we are feeling discouraged and disappointed in ourselves and see only our failures and worst, God lifts up our head to show us the best in us.
Prayerfully, we can do the same for our children.
Of course, when we lose our focus on the Lord and His hope-filled future for us, we can go astray very quickly.
When driving down the road, if our eyes shift from where we are heading, things can go very badly very quickly! Whether peeking in the rear view mirror, over at a squirrel running up a tree, down at our phone, or anywhere else, our direction can change very quickly.
In case this happens, the department of transportation has strategically placed objects on the side of the road to keep us on the right path called guide rails.
They did not place those guide rails up along the side of the road to damage our vehicle.
To be clear, if we veer off course and hit one, it will absolutely damage our vehicle.
However, that damage is nothing compared to diving down a cliff or into a river or off of a bridge or going head on into a tree. The guide rail is intended to cause minimal damage in order to save our lives.
God created guide rails for us in life as well and He calls it discipline.
Hebrews 12:4-13
4 In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5 And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,
“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
6 because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”
7 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? 8 If you are not disciplined – and everyone undergoes discipline – then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. 9 Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! 10 They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. 11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
12 Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 13 “Make level paths for your feet,” so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.
Godly discipline is an act of love. This discipline is not intended to punish us, but to guide and direct us. It feels painful and it hurts, but it’s purpose is to guide us away from far worse destruction. It guides us to healing and peace and righteousness.
Godly discipline is just like the guide rails on the side of a road. When we veer off of His road for our life, appropriate consequences are intentionally put in place to guide us away from sin and into righteousness.
God disciplines us for our own good so that we can share in His holiness. God’s discipline trains us into freedom.
It looks a little strange to be a 40 year old riding a 12″ bicycle with training wheels sucking on a capri sun pouch. There comes a time for us to finish our training. The training wheels come off and we learn how to maintain our balance without them.
The risk increases, but the reward also increases and we’re ready for it! Then, the real joy of riding begins! Then, true freedom exists! God wants to set us free indeed!
In my opinion, this is one of the hardest parts of fatherhood!
Knowing when to discipline, how to discipline, and when to remove the guide rails and let them feel the full weight and responsibility of their decisions as they transition into adulthood.
Discipline needs to be intentional and measured and loving and not just an emotional reaction. It is different for each child and needs to change as they grow and mature and develop.
Lightly slapping the hand of a 12-month-old reaching for an electrical plug and saying, “No” may be appropriate. Still doing that at 12 years old is probably not…
Take off the training wheels too soon and the pain will become too great and fear will set in and they will never want to ride a bike.
Leave the training wheels on too long and they’ll never have the confidence to become independent and experience the freedom they were created for. They’ll probably get made fun of, too.
Ephesians 6:4 (NLT)
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.
Discipline instructs us not just what not to do, but why we should not do it, what can happen if we do it, and most importantly, what to do instead. It focuses on the good that will be produced from it.
Dietary discipline is no fun if we stare at a list of food that we can no longer eat. It becomes far more fun if we stare at all of the food that we can have including new things that we’ve never even tried before.
Thankfully, our Heavenly Father knows our children better than us, loves them more than us, and their lives and destinies are ultimately in His hands. We’re not in this alone! He will guide us and give us the wisdom that we need to correctly discipline and train our children.
We can train and equip them to avoid the snares that we have been trapped by!
We can train and equip them to be more than overcomers!
We can train and equip them to live their lives more fully and joy-filled than we ever have!
Lastly is one of the best parts of being a father!
We have been entrusted by God to bless our children!
When we read the blessings of a father over their children in scripture, it is so incredibly powerful!
I’m not sure if they declared blessings over their children that God was leading them to prophetically or whether God just honored the prophetic blessings that they declared or maybe both, but their blessings came to pass.
Take time to read Genesis 48-49 as a great example of this. Jacob is nearing the end of his earthly life, so he calls his twelve sons to his side to bless them.
It is still traditional in Jewish homes for the father to bless his children every Sabbath. They typically declare the priestly prayer that the Lord gave to Moses to give to Aaron and his descendants to pray over the Israelites.
Take time to put your hand on your child’s head and pray out loud a blessing over them. A father’s prayer is powerful and effective and will impact the lives of your children in greater ways than you could ever imagine!
This morning, dads, your Heavenly Father wants to encourage you and strengthen you and lift up your head. It’s never too late to be the father that you were created to be. The Lord is a healer and restorer and rewarder!
The relationship that He wants to work on first is between Him and His child; YOU! Let Him finish the good work that He started. You won’t regret it!
Hurt people hurt people, but whole people heal people!
As we end, I feel lead to pray over all of you that traditional Hebrew blessing. You may recognize them as lyrics to a modern worship song entitled, you’ll never guess it, “The Blessing!” We find them here:
Numbers 6:24-26
24 The Lord bless you
and keep you;
25 the Lord make his face shine on you
and be gracious to you;
26 the Lord turn his face toward you
and give you peace.
Amen!