Today, we celebrate fatherhood. Happy Father’s Day!
Here at New Hope, we have been blessed with all kinds of awesome dads. Biological dads, adoptive dads, step-dads, spiritual dads, and father-figures.
In the Bible, we find all of these kinds of dads and more. The Bible even records some really bad dads. Like truly terrible dads. Some were even in lead ministry positions like Eli! We don’t have to read past the first few chapters of the first book to find the first father, Adam, whose son Cain killed his other son Abel. Not exactly the picture-perfect family right from the start…
I really hate to start off this Father’s Day message on a negative note, but unfortunately, that trend hasn’t really changed. There seems to continue to be far more bad examples of dads than there are guys who choose to rise up and to become great fathers.
Almost 2,000 years ago, Paul wrote to the church in Corinth:
1 Corinthians 4:14-16 (KJV)
I write not these things to shame you, but as my beloved sons I warn you. For though ye have ten thousand instructers in Christ, yet have ye not many fathers: for in Christ Jesus I have begotten you through the gospel. Wherefore I beseech you, be ye followers of me.
Though, I prefer how The Message translation states this.
1 Corinthians 4:14-16 (MSG)
I’m not writing all this as a neighborhood scold to shame you. I’m writing as a father to you, my children. I love you and want you to grow up well, not spoiled. There are a lot of people around who can’t wait to tell you what you’ve done wrong, but there aren’t many fathers willing to take the time and effort to help you grow up. It was as Jesus helped me proclaim God’s Message to you that I became your father. I’m not asking you to do anything I’m not already doing myself.
Paul later makes the similar bold call to:
1 Corinthians 11:1
Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.
There is a lot that can be understood about fatherhood from just these four verses! Although here, Paul is writing within the context of spiritual fatherhood, the principles apply to successful fatherhood in any context.
First, we have to be present. The biggest part of being a good dad is to simply be there.
According to the US Census Bureau 2024 data, 17.4 million children live without a biological, step, or adoptive father in the home. That’s nearly 1 in every 4 children in America! Along with this statistical trend comes an increase in just about everything bad in life including poverty, behavior issues, substance abuse, crime, dropping out of school, suicide, and more.
All of the good things that result from fatherhood begin by the simplicity of just being there. That’s the start. However, being present requires more than just physically being there.
We’ve all observed times when the father of a family is sitting around the table with his family, but focused on his phone with no idea what is happening around him. Or I’m sure that none of us have ever experienced a time when he is sitting there in his favorite chair and just “resting his eyes” and not sleeping, right? 🙂
Though physically there, he isn’t really present. Here are some more examples of what this looks like on a larger scale in life. Please don’t be like one of these guys.
These dads are physically there, but they have no idea what is happening in the lives of their kids. That’s not being present. In fact, in today’s world, it is possible to be present and accessible even while not physically being able to be there for our kids.
It’s important that our children know exactly how and when to approach us to get our undivided attention. It’s up to us as dads to intentionally make that way and honor it. Even if it is a quick facetime or phone call, it is important for us to be accessible.
Unlike God, we aren’t omnipresent. We cannot give everyone our full attention at all times. However, there should be a way for our children to call on us and to receive our presence when they need to. They need to know that they are a priority to us and not a burden.
We should also be intentional about setting apart one-on-one time with each of our kids to provide them that time even when they haven’t requested it. Being present this way in their lives builds relationships so that they trust us and are more likely to come to us when things get tough and they need help in life.
The first step in successful fatherhood is to be present.
Next, we need to coach them. Paul said that there are plenty of people out there who want to be teachers, but not fathers. What is meant by this is that there are plenty of people out there who will tell you how to live your life and to call you out and criticize you when you don’t live up to their expectations.
However, there aren’t many people out there who will lay down their own lives to come alongside of you. There aren’t many people who will help you to discern God’s purpose for your life and to fulfill that. That’s what a good father does; coach us through life.
In sports terms, many of us have watched our kids endure both good and bad coaching. Say that your kid is playing baseball and they are up to bat and they strikeout causing their team to lose the game.
A bad coach will scream at them and belittle them with each miss and especially after the third strike. Throughout the game, with every error, they shout out a bunch of “‘Cmon’s!” and “You’ve gotta be kidding me’s!” and “What is happening out there’s?” They express their disappointment and anger through blame alone.
At practice, they call out every error and make them run for making mistakes, but never take the time to show them how to play any better.
A good coach will see what went wrong after the first miss and call out what your kid can do to correct it. A little correction like “Keep your eye on it!”, “Swing through!”, “Lock that back leg!”, “Elbow in!”, “Under!”, “Over”, “Early!”, “Late!”, etc. both communicates what the error was and also how to correct it.
With each error, they call out useful instructions on how to better next time. Also, throughout the game, they shout out praise for every successful play. At practice, they get on the field and show the players how to improve their game. That’s what a good coach does.
Paul wrote: “There are a lot of people around who can’t wait to tell you what you’ve done wrong, but there aren’t many fathers willing to take the time and effort to help you grow up.”
A father coaches their children well. Sure, discipline is a part of this process. However, even discipline is used as a tool with the ultimate goal of correction to keep them on God’s path for their lives and off of the road to destruction. Again, Paul wrote:
Hebrews 12:5-11
5 Have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,
“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
6 because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”
7 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? 8 If you are not disciplined – and everyone undergoes discipline – then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. 9 Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! 10 They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. 11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Successful fathers coach their children well. They discipline their children, but only as a tool to train them to stay on God’s life path that leads to righteousness and peace and blessing.
Finally, successful fathers live the example.
Paul wrote:
“I’m not asking you to do anything I’m not already doing myself. Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.”
Could we say that to our children? “Follow my example as I follow Christ?”
The reality is that whether we want to think about it or not, we are setting the example for our children to follow. I’m convinced that more in life is caught than taught. What that means is that more is being taught through the unspoken words of our life choices and actions than in what we teach with our words.
More in life is caught than taught.
Setting the example doesn’t mean that we live life perfectly. Not by any means! What it means is that when we sin and screw up, we man up and admit it, ask forgiveness for it, and do what we can to right our wrongs. Paul, himself, wrote:
Romans 7:15-25
15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do – this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
The best example that we can set for our children is that we surrender our lives to Jesus. We admit and show our weaknesses and reveal God as our source and strength. We show that we fully rely on Jesus for any good thing about us.
On our own, we can’t be good nor do good. God alone is good.
On our own, we keep on doing things that we don’t want to do. We need Jesus!
We might be a father, but we also need a father, ourselves.
We were created and designed to need a father at any age! The concept of fatherhood is so important that it exists eternally! God, Himself, exists as three persons in One; FATHER, SON, and SPIRIT. We all need God, our Father!
Psalm 68:5
A father to the fatherless is God in His holy dwelling.
In fact, we will turn to a spiritual father whether we ever take the time to stop and think about it or not. It is simply a reality. We will either turn to God as our Heavenly Father or we will continue to reject Him and accept the devil as our father and do his will.
Jesus didn’t sugar-coat this reality when He was speaking to people! In fact, this is what we were singing about earlier this morning. We’re no longer slaves, we are children of God! When we put our faith in Jesus, we are adopted into His family and God becomes our father.
Well, then, who was our father before we were saved?
John 8:31-59
31 To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. 32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
33 They answered him, “We are Abraham’s descendants and have never been slaves of anyone. How can you say that we shall be set free?”
34 Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. 35 Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. 36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. 37 I know that you are Abraham’s descendants. Yet you are looking for a way to kill me, because you have no room for my word. 38 I am telling you what I have seen in the Father’s presence, and you are doing what you have heard from your father.”
39 “Abraham is our father,” they answered.
“If you were Abraham’s children,” said Jesus, “then you would do what Abraham did. 40 As it is, you are looking for a way to kill me, a man who has told you the truth that I heard from God. Abraham did not do such things. 41 You are doing the works of your own father.”
“We are not illegitimate children,” they protested. “The only Father we have is God himself.”
Things are escalating pretty quickly here! This group of people, Jewish people, that Jesus is speaking to believes that just because they were born as descendants of Abraham that they are children of God. Their literal bloodline goes back to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob (Israel).
42 Jesus said to them, “If God were your Father, you would love me, for I have come here from God. I have not come on my own; God sent me. 43 Why is my language not clear to you? Because you are unable to hear what I say. 44 You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. 45 Yet because I tell the truth, you do not believe me! 46 Can any of you prove me guilty of sin? If I am telling the truth, why don’t you believe me? 47 Whoever belongs to God hears what God says. The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God.”
Whew! So Jesus is asking each of us this morning a very unexpected question, “Who’s your daddy?” Is God our father or is the devil? It’s one or the other. Do we love Jesus and desire to fulfill God’s will for our lives? We may not want to hear it or think about it, but it is critically essential for each of us to decide this for ourselves.
Is God our father or is the devil?
Let’s take time right now to surrender our lives to the Heavenly Father through faith in Jesus!
* Salvation Prayer *
Now, I’ll end on a positive note. The last step in being a successful father is to enjoy life.
Work hard and play hard! Teach your children how to have fun and actually enjoy the life that God has given them.
Why did God say that we should obey all of His commands and decrees? So that things go well for us and so that we can ENJOY THE LIFE HE HAS GIVEN US (Deut. 6:2)! Why should children obey their parents? So that they may ENJOY LONG LIFE ON THE EARTH (Eph. 6:3)!
I leave you with the greatest gift God ever gave us: salvation.
I also leave you with the greatest gift God ever gave us through fathers: dad jokes!