This year, God wants to re-ignite our passion for Him and for the life that He has given us.
So far, we learned of four thieves of our ability to enjoy life. The first two were worry and anxiety invoked by the two little words, “What if?” These two cause us concern over the future. The second two were discontentment and ungratefulness invoked by those two little words “If only…” These two cause us to be unhappy in the present.
This week, we’re learning of two other thieves that steal from us by posing these same two questions, “What if?” and “If only.”. These two thieves turn our focus to our past. They are resentment and regret. Maybe they’ve posed these questions to you?
What if I never quit that job? Where would I be now?
If only I had went to college.
If only I had told that person how I really felt about them.
What if I broke off that relationship sooner?
What if I wouldn’t have pushed that person away?
If only I had taken advantage of that opportunity.
If only I was with my kids more often when they were younger.
What if I had let go and forgiven that person instead of clinging to my anger and bitterness?
What if I had trusted my gut feeling back then?
If only I had listened to them.
If only I had lived healthier.
If only I had one more day to spend with them.
What if I never get the chance again?
If only I had kept my mouth shut.
If only I had spoken up.
What if it’s too late?
And I could go on and on…
Those two little words “What if?” and “If only.” They often cause us to look back at our past decisions and question if our life could be better now if we had made better decisions in the past.
Unfortunately, we can’t go back and try again. God purposed and designed us to always be moving forward. We literally cannot go back. So long as the thieves of resentment and regret keep us looking back, we will never have hope and never expect good things for our future.
It is impossible for us to enjoy our lives to their fullest now while dwelling on resentment or regret.
Resentment is a deep bitterness toward our past circumstances or treatment from others. It causes us to feel that we were wronged or treated unfairly. It can invoke a whole host of enduring emotions. It can cause us to become angry, depressed, disappointed, disgusted, discouraged, and more. It always leads to a deep root of bitterness, though. It never leads to any of the fruits of the Holy Spirit!
Resentment can be brought on through a whole host of scenarios. Maybe we were truly treated unfairly or even abused. Maybe we just perceive that we were treated unfairly and truly weren’t. Maybe someone that we cared about left us by choice or maybe they passed away. Maybe we were overlooked for a promotion. Maybe we were rejected. The list can go on and on.
While resentment is typically external, regret is generally internal. It results in the same emotions and leads to the same root of bitterness, but it is caused by our own past decisions. Both resentment and regret steal away from the full and abundant life that Jesus wants us to enjoy.
Let’s turn to God’s word for the answer and the solution to kicking these thieves out of our lives! This is why we sing worship songs that state things like, “Can’t go back to the beginning. Can’t control what tomorrow will bring. But I know here in the middle is the place where you promise to be.” Right, God has promised, “Never will I leave you nor forsake you.”
Hebrews 12:14-17
14 Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. 15 See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. 16 See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son. 17 Afterward, as you know, when he wanted to inherit this blessing, he was rejected. Even though he sought the blessing with tears, he could not change what he had done.
There is so much to unpack in these four verses!
“Make every effort to live in peace with everyone.”
Wow! That’s enough to go back home and spend the rest of our lives trying to live out! Now Paul acknowledges twice that it’s not always possible to live at peace with everyone. However, if we really want to live a full and enjoyable life, we should make every effort to do so. Even if others refuse to live peaceably with us, we can be at peace with ourselves knowing that we’ve done all that we can on our part to do so.
Paul goes into further detail in another one of his letters:
Romans 12:17-21
17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. 20 On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
These scriptures go hand in hand. Here, Paul teaches us some practical tips on how to make an effort to live at peace with everyone. These tips lead us back into the next part of Paul’s previous letter that we started with. Paul wrote in Hebrews to be holy because without holiness no one will see the Lord. To be holy is simply to be set apart by and for the Lord.
To bless the people who curse and hate us is certainly being holy; set apart. This is absolutely different from the way that the world responds to being mistreated. Instead of becoming bitter by allowing resentment and regret to settle in, we act better. We act better instead of getting bitter. We take the high road and always do what is good and right. Even if others still refuse to live in peace with us, we can live at peace with ourselves knowing that we did what was right before God, whom we will ultimately answer to for our lives.
This prevents bitterness from taking root in our lives. It also keeps our perspective healthy and clear. “Without holiness no one will see the Lord.” Leaving vengeance in the hands of the Lord, trusting Him completely with everything, enables us to see the Lord at work in and through our lives.
We can’t see people the way that God sees them if we are shaded red by resentment and bitterness toward them.
Next, we are to “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God.” Those familiar with Hebrews 12 knows how the chapter starts out. We’re called to throw off everything that hinders us and the sin that entangles us and to run the race of faith with endurance fixing our eyes on the pioneer and perfecter of our faith who has already gone ahead of us; Jesus.
The picture that we see here is someone who has ran and ran a race, but just before the finish line, they stumble and fall and refuse to get back up. They have fallen short of the goal. They have disqualified themselves. They have failed. They sit there looking back at how far they have come. They look around them and watch everyone else run past them across the finish line passing them up.
They become enraged and embittered by resentment and regret. If only they had turned and looked back to the finish line! There, Jesus is reaching out full of grace to heal and strengthen and empower and equip that person to finish the race well. In fact, if they hadn’t taken their eyes off of Jesus at the finish line, they would have won the race!
All of us are susceptible to doing this in life. We need each other to recognize when we start to become embittered and to turn our focus back onto Jesus and away from resentment and regret in life! We need each other to direct us back to the grace of God that graciously gives us everything that we need to live a godly life and to run our race well.
Verse 15 goes on to say “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
It has been said that “Misery loves company.” There is a degree of truth to that. When bitterness takes root in our lives and grows up, we begin to see most things from a negative perspective. We’re quicker to whine and complain and worry about our future. This thief invites in the other thieves of joy.
Like a viny weed in a garden, it spreads quickly and begins to choke the life out of everything around it, too. That’s why we need our brothers and sisters in Christ in our lives to help point out these things in our lives before they have the chance to grow and develop to this point.
Several translations of the Bible state the verse in exactly this way. The International Children’s Bible says:
Hebrews 12:15
Be careful that no one fails to get God’s grace. Be careful that no one becomes like a bitter weed growing among you. A person like that can ruin all of you.
The Message says:
Hebrews 12:15-17
Make sure no one gets left out of God’s generosity. Keep a sharp eye out for weeds of bitter discontent. A thistle or two gone to seed can ruin a whole garden in no time.
We now continue on to verse 16:
Hebrews 12:16-17
16 See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son. 17 Afterward, as you know, when he wanted to inherit this blessing, he was rejected. Even though he sought the blessing with tears, he could not change what he had done.
The Message translation says:
Watch out for the Esau syndrome: trading away God’s lifelong gift in order to satisfy a short-term appetite. You well know how Esau later regretted that impulsive act and wanted God’s blessing – but by then it was too late, tears or no tears.
Esau syndrome – regret and resentment in one… Long story short, Isaac’s wife Rebekah became pregnant with twin boys – Jacob and Esau. Even within her womb, they were fighting with one another. Jacob would become the nation of Israel and Esau the nation of Edom and the fight would continue forever between them.
Anyways, back to what is meant by Esau syndrome:
Genesis 25:27-34
27 The boys grew up, and Esau became a skillful hunter, a man of the open country, while Jacob was content to stay at home among the tents. 28 Isaac, who had a taste for wild game, loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob.
29 Once when Jacob was cooking some stew, Esau came in from the open country, famished. 30 He said to Jacob, “Quick, let me have some of that red stew! I’m famished!”
31 Jacob replied, “First sell me your birthright.”
32 “Look, I am about to die,” Esau said. “What good is the birthright to me?”
33 But Jacob said, “Swear to me first.” So he swore an oath to him, selling his birthright to Jacob.
34 Then Jacob gave Esau some bread and some lentil stew. He ate and drank, and then got up and left.
So Esau despised his birthright.
Instant gratification. Moments later, that instant gratification turned into instant resentment and regret that endured a lifetime and beyond through their descendants. Esau syndrome.
How often do we trade in precious, priceless, eternal perfection for temporary things of this world? Instant pleasure, but long term pain. How often do we make decisions here and now based on our emotional state with no thought or regard for the long term ramifications? How often do we settle because we’re simply impatient or doubtful.
An eternal kingdom traded in for some bread and stew. If you’ve read Genesis or Exodus, you’ve often read this quote, “The God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.” That could have been “The God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Esau.”
Even though a bad decision was made, even though it was irrevocable, even though Esau regretted it, Esau’s life went on and it was richly blessed by God.
Genesis 36:6-8
6 Esau took his wives and sons and daughters and all the members of his household, as well as his livestock and all his other animals and all the goods he had acquired in Canaan, and moved to a land some distance from his brother Jacob. 7 Their possessions were too great for them to remain together; the land where they were staying could not support them both because of their livestock. 8 So Esau (that is, Edom) settled in the hill country of Seir.
Many years after separating, Esau and Jacob met again. Esau and 400 men came out. Jacob was afraid that revenge was coming his way. Instead, Esau ran to Jacob, threw his arms around him and kissed him and they cried together. Jacob told Esau that to see him and to be welcomed favorably by him was like seeing the face of God.
Esau had obviously let go of regret and resentment. There was no root of bitterness present; only joy and blessing. They even buried their father, Isaac, together.
God is a gracious and compassionate god slow to anger and abounding in love and faithfulness. However, there are always consequences to every decision that we make; either good or bad. God is faithful and He will forgive us of our sin when we confess it and repent of it. He will also reward and bless our good decisions.
However, the consequences of our bad decisions usually still remain. These consequences are not punishment for our decisions, they are the result of our decisions. God allows them to remain to discipline us, to teach us, so that we do not repeat bad decisions.
Some bad decisions are short lived and lessons are quickly learned. We eat warm sushi from a gas station, we get violently ill for a day from food poisoning, and we avoid gas station sushi in the future.
After Jesus was arrested, Peter denied even knowing Him three times before the rooster crowed. He wept bitterly that night. However, that bitterness did not take root. Just a few days later, Jesus gave Peter a chance to redeem himself.
Some bad decisions take a long time to figure out that they were bad decisions and the lessons are not so clearly understood or learned. Relationships most often fall into this category. Whether friendships, business, romantic, or any other. Issues take time to reveal themselves and the consequences are messy and complicated.
David’s affair with Bathsheba and murder of her husband came at the high price of their firstborn son. God had forgiven his sin and spared David’s life, however, this consequence remained. David fasted and prayed and pleaded with the Lord, but still the consequence remained.
Their second son together, Solomon, was a tremendous blessing to them and God chose for His eternal kingdom to come through his bloodline.
Whether big or small, God’s desire is that we run to Him always; especially when we’ve made a bad decision. He forgives, heals, restores, rewards, and so much more to work everything together for good. Yes, He is so good that He can even transform our bad decisions and their consequences into goodness!
If we keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, we can keep our lives free from Esau syndrome. We can kick the thieves of resentment and regret out of our lives. We have a hope and a future! It doesn’t matter what we’ve done in our past, there is nothing that God can’t work together for good!
Our past doesn’t define who we are; only God has that authority in our lives! We are who God says that we are!
Sure, we’ve made some bad decisions in our lives, but they cannot be changed now. All that we can do is confess them to God and turn away from them in the future. We learn from them and make better choices going forward. We’ll also help others to avoid the same pitfalls in their lives.
Psalm 23:6
Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.